Because you're worth it
Sally Bucey
Issue date: 11/20/08 Section: Life!
A sad malady I've seen not only among my friends and other young adults, but also among people of every age, is that of relationship-contingent self esteem. Relationship-contingent self esteem is when a person bases their view of themselves on their current relationship status.
Granted, a boyfriend or girlfriend can always boost one's ego, but relationship-contingency is more extreme. It means that without a significant other or hookup the person feels entirely unhappy until they have secured one. One feels that without someone else to prove their worth, he is, in fact, worthless.
Oprah and I share the same opinion; that a person is born with worth and one doesn't have to earn it. Sadly, though, many people are brought up not being told that they have worth. This leads to a variety of issues, one of which is relationship-contingent self esteem.
People with relationship-contingent self esteem tend to exhibit certain behaviors, such as continually going from one boyfriend to the next without any breaks in between.
They usually won't leave a relationship, no matter how bad it gets, unless they have someone else as a backup. With relationship-contingent self esteem, a person always has a hookup, boyfriend, or something in the works.
Also common is that his or her relationships are short-lived. This could be for a variety of reasons, one of which is that the relationships they fall into aren't necessarily desirable, but better than being alone (in their mind). Many times a relationship-contingent self esteemed person knows that they won't be with their significant other forever but they don't want to be alone either.
Most noticeable, though, is that when relationship-contingent self esteemed people don't have a love interest, they concentrate all of their efforts on finding someone. It's all they think about and do until they've successfully secured someone.
Relationship-contingent self esteem doesn't only affect its bearer, but it also affects all of the people that they enter into relationships with.
Granted, a boyfriend or girlfriend can always boost one's ego, but relationship-contingency is more extreme. It means that without a significant other or hookup the person feels entirely unhappy until they have secured one. One feels that without someone else to prove their worth, he is, in fact, worthless.
Oprah and I share the same opinion; that a person is born with worth and one doesn't have to earn it. Sadly, though, many people are brought up not being told that they have worth. This leads to a variety of issues, one of which is relationship-contingent self esteem.
People with relationship-contingent self esteem tend to exhibit certain behaviors, such as continually going from one boyfriend to the next without any breaks in between.
They usually won't leave a relationship, no matter how bad it gets, unless they have someone else as a backup. With relationship-contingent self esteem, a person always has a hookup, boyfriend, or something in the works.
Also common is that his or her relationships are short-lived. This could be for a variety of reasons, one of which is that the relationships they fall into aren't necessarily desirable, but better than being alone (in their mind). Many times a relationship-contingent self esteemed person knows that they won't be with their significant other forever but they don't want to be alone either.
Most noticeable, though, is that when relationship-contingent self esteemed people don't have a love interest, they concentrate all of their efforts on finding someone. It's all they think about and do until they've successfully secured someone.
Relationship-contingent self esteem doesn't only affect its bearer, but it also affects all of the people that they enter into relationships with.