Pamphlets: incredible facts
Kevin Tomasura
Issue date: 11/12/09 Section: Life!
As a sex columnist, I feel that at times I am shirking the true range of my responsibilities. Sure, I have no problem churning out quirky anecdotes, being politically incorrect, or bashing presidential candidates, but how often do I tell you guys anything that could really, legitimately, improve your sex life?
Typically, I leave the guidelines to the 40-day-tantric-orgasm to experts and sweat the small stuff. However, recently I've noticed that I have often posed sex in a positive light. In media and communications jargon they call this bias. As to avoid bias, and to appease my exceedingly large uber-conservative readership, I offer this article as a compromise.
Let it be said that sex is not all fun and games; rather it is full of dangerous pot holes and what-not. What are actually fun and games are the plethora of poorly-made sexual education pamphlets, available to College students at the Health Center for only the small price of something upwards of $40,000. Though they are relics circa the early 1970s, they are artifacts of something truly timeless: gonorrhea, AIDS, and the clap. Well written and better yet, illustrated, they are powerful resources in the battle to keep our sexual organs puss-free.
On par, at least, with commercials of the dangerous sexual activity yet excessive physical activity of those with genital warts, these pamphlets offer an accessible and alternative source to those with too much time to watch TV and too little time to actually have sex. In other words, they're perfect for people just like YOU, with ample time to spend on such things as reading my article. So, in your best interest, I'll help you out.
Today I took a little walk. The final destination of this walk was a destination completely new to me and quite possibly to many College students: the College Health Center. As I strolled into the building I was warmly received by its dim lighting and contemporary staircase designs. On my left was a small table filled with information on everything I would ever need to know about drugs, alcohol, or any potential connection someone might have with syphilis. Here, right next to the door, I found that my anonymity could be maintained by sheer speed. Rather than wasting my time with questions to real people or certified counselors, I could quickly solve my problems with nothing more than a snatch and grab. Added bonus: I don't even have to go to the store any more to buy female condoms, as they offer them for free! Sure I have no clue what they actually are, but I bet they're just inside-out condoms anyway. As a matter of respect, I left of few of those bad boys to the general populace while filling my pockets best I could.
Typically, I leave the guidelines to the 40-day-tantric-orgasm to experts and sweat the small stuff. However, recently I've noticed that I have often posed sex in a positive light. In media and communications jargon they call this bias. As to avoid bias, and to appease my exceedingly large uber-conservative readership, I offer this article as a compromise.
Let it be said that sex is not all fun and games; rather it is full of dangerous pot holes and what-not. What are actually fun and games are the plethora of poorly-made sexual education pamphlets, available to College students at the Health Center for only the small price of something upwards of $40,000. Though they are relics circa the early 1970s, they are artifacts of something truly timeless: gonorrhea, AIDS, and the clap. Well written and better yet, illustrated, they are powerful resources in the battle to keep our sexual organs puss-free.
On par, at least, with commercials of the dangerous sexual activity yet excessive physical activity of those with genital warts, these pamphlets offer an accessible and alternative source to those with too much time to watch TV and too little time to actually have sex. In other words, they're perfect for people just like YOU, with ample time to spend on such things as reading my article. So, in your best interest, I'll help you out.
Today I took a little walk. The final destination of this walk was a destination completely new to me and quite possibly to many College students: the College Health Center. As I strolled into the building I was warmly received by its dim lighting and contemporary staircase designs. On my left was a small table filled with information on everything I would ever need to know about drugs, alcohol, or any potential connection someone might have with syphilis. Here, right next to the door, I found that my anonymity could be maintained by sheer speed. Rather than wasting my time with questions to real people or certified counselors, I could quickly solve my problems with nothing more than a snatch and grab. Added bonus: I don't even have to go to the store any more to buy female condoms, as they offer them for free! Sure I have no clue what they actually are, but I bet they're just inside-out condoms anyway. As a matter of respect, I left of few of those bad boys to the general populace while filling my pockets best I could.